Stoke City/Crystal Palace vs. Cardiff City: Don't Panic (Yet)

Sorry for the delay, readers.  I have to admit this week's post was a tough one to write.  I had hoped to tell you about a tidy two wins in four days, but alas no such luck.  So let us get the facts out of the way, dust ourselves off, and look forward to some better performances from the Bluebirds in their upcoming matches.

Stoke City 0 - Cardiff City 0

- If a soccer ball rolls in a forest and no one is around, does it make a sound?

This was the first match of the doubleheader week, and what can one really say about a zero zero tie?

I was actually in Tucson, AZ for work while this match was being played.  I finished dinner around 9pm and had every intention of watching the full replay on my iPad.  But when I accidentally saw that the match had ended 0-0 I let out a "NOPE" loud enough for the coyotes outside my hotel window to hear.

This is actually a pretty accurate depiction of Tucson

Stoke City are not a good club.  Like Cardiff City, they are residents of the Premier League's "just above relegation" neighborhood.  But in this meeting, neither the Potters nor the Bluebirds did anything to elevate themselves.  While Stoke City did have the edge in possession time, both teams had similar (i.e. crappy) goal attempt statistics.

From the match reports that I read, it seems like towards the end both sides got a bit chippy.  I think that's natural for two clubs that go into a match believing that their opponent should have been a pushover.

Stoke City striker Peter Crouch looks and sounds exactly like Chewbacca (Image Credit:  Getty Images)

Still, Cardiff City left the stadium with a point and that's good enough for government work.

Which unfortunately brings us to the Bluebirds' match against fellow promotees Crystal Palace...

Crystal Palace 2 - Cardiff City 0

• Jerome (CPL) 6'
• Chamakh (CPL) 57'

Is there any more gifted actor in all of science fiction history than Patrick Stewart?  No.

For my money, I prefer the above Picard Facepalm to the standard internet Picard Facepalm.  It artfully blends the emotions of despair, fatigue, and incredulous mirth all in one pose.  And I think that it nicely sums up the 90+ minutes of athletic excrement I witnessed on Saturday.

Crystal Palace were not good by any means, but Cardiff City were atrocious.  It was sort of like watching the kids scrimmage during halftime at a Celtics game.  Neither side are playing basketball per se, but your kids are on the team that are picking their noses and doing the worm on the court

If we dig deep for a positive from this debacle, I will say that each week I am more impressed with Jordon Mutch...

Life imitating FIFA 14 (Image Credit:  Huw Evans Picture Agency)

"Dammit" (Image Credit:  Huw Evans Agency)

Jordon if you're reading this, you are currently in the lead to become my first Premier League jersey!  I wear a size large and have absolutely no qualms about accepting bribes for future positive commentary on this blog.

Crystal Palace have spent the entire season alternating with Sunderland between 19th and 20th place.  I honestly can't explain why Crystal Palace had such a convincing win this weekend.  Maybe it is because their new manager of two weeks has lit a fire under their collective asses.  Whatever the reason, they earned this win.

I should also issue an apology to Crystal Palace.  I wrote you off very quickly during my quest for a Premier League team and I'm sorry.  I like that you fly an eagle across the field before your matches and your fans are top notch.  I do however stand by my statement that your name sounds like a strip club.  Albeit, a very classy strip club, but a strip club nonetheless.

Don't send me hate mail, Dragon and Bluebirds readers, I'm still with Cardiff City for life.  Just giving credit where credit is due.

Following this week of disappointment, the Bluebirds now find themselves in 16th place with 3 wins, 5 draws, and 7 losses.  The table below captures the full Premier League standings as of 12/11/13.  The table columns are:  Club Name, Matches Played (Pld), and Rankings Points (Pts).

This post has been a bit gloomy so far, so let's shine a positive light on the Bluebirds' current situation.  

First, Cardiff City are in 16th place.  In any other sport, 16th out of 20 teams would be garbage.  But in the Premier League, finishing anywhere between 6th and 17th is just fine.  We can talk some other time about why finishing 5th or better matters, but for this debut season the name of the game is solely to avoid relegation (18th place or worse).  Next season will bring more television revenue and thus more experienced players to replace the scrubs.

Second, the Bluebirds really aren't performing that poorly for a new Premier League club.  To date, they have accumulated 14 points in 15 matches.  If they continue at this pace, history says they will (probably) avoid relegation and live to fight again next season.  

Third, there are four matches left until the halfway mark of the season and I believe Cardiff City can walk away with 5 points from them.  Let's review some quick stats to show why I'm optimistic about these matches.

Cardiff City Home Record:  2 Wins 2 Draws 3 Losses, 7 Goals Fielded 10 Goals Allowed

Cardiff City Away Record:  1W 3D 4L, 4F 12A

Next four opponent stats...

• West Bromwich Albion at Cardiff City (WBA Away Record:  1W 4D 2L, 7F 10A)
• Liverpool at Liverpool (LIV Home Record:  7W 0D 1L, 22F 5A)
• Southampton at Cardiff City (SOU Away Record:  2W 2D 3L, 5F 8A)
• Sunderland at Cardiff City (SUN Away Record:  0W 2D 5L, 2F 14A)

From these matches, I'm predicting a draw, loss, draw, and win in that order.  Liverpool is going to crush Cardiff City, period.  And Sunderland can't beat an egg with a whisk.  The other two games are pretty even matches and I honestly think they will both end in 1-1 draws.

So lift your chins up, Bluebirds fans!  Yes Cardiff City should have beaten Crystal Palace.  But surprise performances against Manchester City and Manchester United have helped balance out a bad loss.  And the Bluebirds are still in good enough shape to stay up.

The Cardiff'rent Strokes are also in good enough shape.  We seem to have settled into a comfortable zone of marginally-better-than-average performance.  Here's the summary of my FPL status...

• Rank (This Week):  1,477,881
• Rank (Last Week):  1,477,728
• Total Players:  3,091,954

Interesting note, after 15 weeks, only one of the original Cardiff'rent Strokes' 15 members remains.  That would be Sunderland midfielder Jack Colback.  

Mark, why do you still have the third best player on the worst club in the Premier League on your fantasy team?  This has been an item for which I've been heckled by my friends in the Fantasy League. There's no good explanation, but believe me it's not that I'm being sentimental.  Basically, Colback is insanely cheap and I've had so many more expensive problems to fix this season that I just can't fire him.  In January I get the opportunity to rebuild my team from scratch for free, so rest assured he'll be gone by then.

Well that's it for this week, thank god.  Cardiff City's next match is at home against West Bromwich Albion on December 14th.  Stay positive, readers, and don't panic!

Thank you as always for reading Dragon and Bluebird!  You can find me on Twitter as well, @dragon_bluebird.