Norwich City vs. Cardiff City: Marshall Law

During my senior year of college, I lived in Bryn Mawr, Pennsylvania.  My roommates and I rented a mouse-infested apartment situated directly above a women's hair salon.  This was probably the crappiest apartment in an otherwise very wealthy suburb of Philadelphia.  

I vacated that apartment ten years ago, but it wasn't until I started this blog that I realized "Bryn Mawr" is actually a Welsh name.  The internet tells me the translation from Welsh is "Big Hill".  It turns out that a Welsh Quaker immigrated to America in the late 1600s and decided to name his new property after his old farm back in Wales.  Who knew?

Enough with Welsh history, let's travel from Philly to Caerphilly and talk about Welsh beer!  That's right dear readers, I have once again managed to locate Welsh beers in Massachusetts.  And once again they were produced by The Celt Experience, just like the beers I mentioned in my post a few weeks ago.  

Celt Experience's "Golden" and "Native Storm" beers

This time around, I got to try out Celt's "Golden" and "Native Storm" offerings.  In this head-to-head match, my wife and I both gave the win to Native Storm.  Admittedly, the badass story on the label earned extra points from me...

"16 September 1400:  Owain Glyndwr led the greatest armed uprising against English rule in Wales, one that would last for over fifteen years and which for a few brief shining moments would produce a united independent Wales ruled by its own prince and parliament."

This story is awesome and made me think of a Welsh version of Braveheart.  You certainly don't have to try too hard to sell an American on overthrowing English oppressors.  Interestingly enough, there's also a bit of hidden dark comedy here if you fast forward to the Premier League era.

At least once a week I hear someone on one of the podcasts of which I listen bemoan the lack of Englishmen in the Premier League.  The delicious irony is that the most English team in the Premier League is...wait for it...wait for it...Cardiff City!

Once you pick your jaws up off of the floor, I encourage you to check out Celt's beers.  If you need help deciding, check out the Beer Advocate reviews for the ones I've tried so far:

• Golden (82/100 BA rating)
• Native Storm (82/100 BA rating)
• Bronze (85/100 BA rating)
• Bleddyn 1075 (86/100 rating)

Ok, back to business.  The question of the week is, "did the Bluebirds make Owain Glyndwr proud?"  

Only if he's proud of scoreless ties...which he most certainly is not.

Norwich City 0 - Cardiff City 0

• <nothing to see here>

For the love of God, where is the offense, Cardiff City?!  Norwich City is a terrible club who find themselves in their own mouse-infested craphole in the relegation zone.  But you know what?  At least they played like they gave a shit about winning.

The Canaries outshot the Bluebirds (neither team wins the battle of the nicknames) 31 to 6.  Digest that for a moment.  In 96 minutes of play, Cardiff City only ATTEMPTED to hit the goal 6 times.  The scene below is pretty indicative of the resistance Norwich City put up in the few times Cardiff City were in a position to score. 

In the absence of getting a goal, nailing you in the junk will have to suffice (Image Credit:  PA)

I don't want to slam my newly-adopted club, but something has to give.  The Bluebirds' style of play is basically "park the bus".  Meaning, stick all eleven of your players in your own third of the field and cross your fingers that your opponents don't score.

This is not a strategy for winning, it is a strategy for not losing.  And the only reason it has somewhat worked and (temporarily) kept the Bluebirds out of relegation danger is because of their keeper David Marshall.

Marshall isn't just good, he's really freakin' good.  Believe it or not he is actually the number one goalkeeper in the Premier League in terms of saves.

But you don't get to be number one in saves unless your defenders are letting opponents have their way with you.  And even with Marshall's heroics, eventually something is going to get through.  Or thirteen somethings at latest count.  

My suggestion, next match let David Marshall manage the goalkeeping on his own and the rest of you go "park the bus" in the opponents third of the field.

Ok, I'll get off my soapbox now.

The Bluebirds are now in 16th place with 2 wins, 3 draws, 4 losses.  The table below captures the full Premier League standings as of 10/29/13.  The table columns are:  Club Name, Matches Played (Pld), and Match Points (Pts).

If we cannot find good news in reality, let us find it in fantasy!  The Cardiff'rent Strokes had their best week to date!  Here's the summary of my FPL status:

• Rank (Last Week):  1,553,785
• Rank (This Week):  1,297,995
• Total Players:  3,030,230

Cardiff City's next match is the first of two highly-anticipated South Wales Derbies, at home against fellow Welsh club Swansea City on November 3rd.  

That's it for this week.  Thank you as always for reading Dragon and Bluebird!  You can find me on Twitter as well, @dragon_bluebird.

Chelsea vs. Cardiff City: Beware the Ides of Mutch

It has been a long two weeks, but the international break (i.e. World Cup qualifying match period) is finally over!  The United States and England have both earned places in the 2014 World Cup in Brazil.  Wales and Cardiff City's Craig Bellamy unfortunately did not qualify.  <insert imaginary sad trombone here>

That's bad news for Wales, but the good news for the rest of us is that we can return to our Saturday morning Premier League rituals...

Set honour in one eye and death i' the other, and I will look on both indifferently.  Now let me up on your lap, dammit.

If you've watched even five minutes of Premier League, you've likely noticed how much acting is involved.  So why not a Shakespearean Play theme this week on Dragon and Bluebird?  Allow me to set the scene...

@jodylaforge came to bury Chelsea, not to praise them

I'm very fortunate to have received another set of game photos from Dodgem-X front man, and all around solid guy, Jody Davies (@jodylaforge on Twitter).  The picture above was taken from the visiting fans section of Chelsea's Stamford Bridge stadium.  Thanks, Jody!

Enough with the prologue, you must be dying to know if the Bluebirds were in for a comedy or a tragedy? 

Alas, tragedy...

Chelsea 4 - Cardiff City 1

• Mutch (CAR) 10'
• Hazard (CHE) 33'
• Eto'o (CHE) 66'
• Oscar (CHE) 78'
• Hazard (CHE) 82'

Chelsea were the heavy favorite to win this weekend.  But ten minutes into the match, Cardiff's Jordon Mutch took advantage of a moment of Chelsea inattention and sprinted towards the ball like a Peregrine falcon descending upon an unsuspecting prairie rodent.

Cry, 'Jordon!' and let slip the dogs of war (Image Credit:  EPA)

Mutch's goal gave the Bluebirds a shocking early lead against one of the Premier League's strongest teams.  Cardiff City seemed confident after this goal and poised to end the first half with a 1-0 lead.  And that's when the treachery took place.

At a break in the match, Bluebirds goalkeeper David Marshall began carrying the ball out to kick it down field.  He either didn't notice or didn't care that Chelsea's Samuel Eto'o was only a foot away when he began to dribble the ball.  And like Casca stabbing Caesar, this happened...

(Image Credit:  BBC)

Et tu, Eto'o? (Image Credit:  BBC)

Eto'o poked the ball away from Marshall and passed it to his teammate Eden Hazard who went on to score.  You can watch an animated GIF of the shenanigans here (safe for work if you'd go to a site like Barstool Sports).  

I'm still learning the rules of soccer, so I just assumed that Marshall's pre-kick ritual had led to a blunder.  But after hearing some of the match commentary, I learned that Eto'o's (so many apostrophes) action was in fact illegal and the goal should not have counted.  

According to FIFA, "The goalkeeper is considered to be in possession of the ball...while in the act of bouncing it on the field or tossing it in the air...When a goalkeeper has gained possession of the ball with his hands it cannot be challenged by an opponent."  (FIFA Law 12:  Fouls and Misconduct)

Suck it, cheaters.

A few days later, everyone except Chelsea's cartoon of a manager Jose Mourinho has acknowledged that the goal should not have counted.  The referee in charge is likely going to be suspended or demoted, but that's all small comfort to Cardiff City.

After this point, the Bluebirds seemed deflated and Chelsea performed as the dominant side they were advertised to be.

Chelsea's Eto'o went on to score his own legitimate goal sixty six minutes into the match.  Then his teammate Oscar added another at seventy eight minutes.

By the time Eden Hazard scored his second goal, Chelsea's fourth, the Bluebirds had already imploded.

Oh David Marshall!  Does thou lie so low?  Are all thy conquests, glories, triumphs, spoils, shrunk to this little measure? (Image Credit:  Getty Images)

With this loss, the Bluebirds are now at 2 wins, 2 draws, 4 losses.  The table below captures the full Premier League standings as of 10/22/13.  The table columns are:  Club Name, Matches Played (Pld), and Match Points (Pts).

It is of course still very early in the season, so don't panic at the Bluebirds' downward trend in the rankings.  No one should think less of Cardiff City for losing to potential title contenders like Chelsea.  Let's stick to the plan and beat up some scrubs next week.

Fantasy news update, the Cardiff'rent Strokes continue to hover around the 50% mark of the worldwide league.  Not bad for my first attempt at a fantasy league, but I think we can do better.  Here's the summary of my FPL status:  

• Rank (Last Week):  1,444,677
• Rank (This Week):  1,553,785
• Total Players:          3,020,087

Cardiff City's next match is away at Norwich (i.e. the previously mentioned scrubs) on October 26th.

That's it for this week.  Be sure to check out our friends Dodgem-X on iTunes and follow them on Twitter (@DodgemXofficial)!  And thank you as always for reading Dragon and Bluebird!  You can find me on on Twitter as well, @dragon_bluebird.

Cardiff City vs. Newcastle United: Eating Humble Magpie

Apologies for being tardy with this week's post.  Hopefully you haven't replaced me with some other "American discovers sport of which the entire rest of the world is already well aware" blog.  I had a legitimate excuse, I swear!

This past weekend I drove back to my home state of Pennsylvania to join my friends in our annual Guy's Weekend.  This is a tradition that started in 2008 with my bachelor party.   Basically, my high school friends, plus some turkeys we picked up in college, rent a ski lodge in the Poconos each year and use it as a home base for grilling, golfing, and drinking.

For the most part everything this weekend was the same as it was in high school (i.e. fart jokes, no girls around, etc).  One notable difference however was that thanks to NBC, we were able to watch two Premier League matches over the weekend.  Any other year, I wouldn't have been too thrilled at this prospect.  But I've taken a liking to soccer at this point and so apparently have a good number of my friends. 

For a variety of reasons my friends have become fans of Stoke City, Liverpool, Chelsea, and Tottenham.  It was great to talk to them about my experience becoming a Cardiff City fan.  These are also the same jerks that got me addicted to Fantasy Premier League.  So I took the opportunity to get some much needed tips on that subject.

Unfortunately, the Cardiff City-Newcastle United match was not televised so I had to wait until Monday evening when I got home to watch it On-Demand.

So which style of kung fu was stronger?  Bluebird or Magpie?

Alas, Magpie...

Cardiff City 1 - Newcastle United 2

• Remy (NEW) 30'
• Remy (NEW) 38'
• Odemwingie (CAR) 58'

The pattern continues with another weak first half performance from Cardiff City followed by a frantic second half attempt to achieve parity.  Newcastle were no rock stars this week either, but they did outshoot Cardiff City 20-8 in goal attempts.  The picture below sums the match up nicely.

Kevin Theopile-Catherine clenches his butthole as Loic Remy launches a cruise missile (Image Credit:  Action Images)

Newcastle's Loic Remy is a goal scoring machine sent back in time to ruin goalkeepers' days.  He's now scored 5 goals in his past 3 matches.  During both of Remy's goals it seemed like Cardiff was caught with their short pants down.  One of Remy's scoring kicks literally went through the legs of Bluebird Ben Turner (a continuously underperforming member of the Cardiff'rent Strokes I might add).

A bright note for Cardiff City was Peter Odemwingie.  It would seem that Craig Bellamy's move to the bench last week was a decision for the best.  This was Odemwingie's second start for the Bluebirds and this week he delivered.  

How do you like me now, West Brom?! (Image Credit:  WalesOnline)

If you have ever seen a Jackie Chan movie, that's a pretty fair illustration of Odemwingie's footwork leading up to his goal.  He's probably pretty happy to have that first goal monkey off his back and to stick it in the eye of his former club West Bromwich Albion.

Odemwingie's goal came off an assist from last week's man of the match, Jordon Mutch.  It will be interesting to see if Mutch gets a starting berth next match.  As it was, he was subbed in at the end of the atrocious first half.

After the match, Cardiff City manager Malky Mackay dropped some truth to the press.  "We played against good players who punish you if you don't play for the whole game."  "[Newcastle] are a good team, with an experienced manager with footballers with international experience." 

And that cuts to the core of the issue, moreso than me bemoaning the lack of offense from the Bluebirds.  This season, Cardiff City looks exactly like what they are...a team comprised of a few tier one players, but mostly tier two.  Cardiff needs a star foward (ahem, Andreas Cornelius where are you).  They also need pro-caliber attacking midfielders.  They can't wait till the January transfer window to bring new guys in, there's a good chance that Cardiff will be too far behind in the points by then.  Time to get some players on loan, Vincent Tan!

Following this result, the Bluebirds find themselves in 14th place with 2 wins, 2 draws, and 3 losses.  The table below captures the full Premier League standings as of 10/08/13.  The table columns are:  Club Name, Matches Played (Pld), and Ranking Points (Pts).

Things aren't all doom and gloom though on Dragon and Bluebird.  I've made progress on my beer quest!  Thanks to Redstone Liquors in Stoneham, Massachusetts I was finally able to track down my first Welsh beers.

Celt Experience's Bronze and Bleddyn 1075

These were the "Bronze" and "Bleddyn 1075" beers brewed by The Celt Experience.  Personally, I recommend the Bleddyn 1075 over the Bronze.  But you can be the judge if you go to Redstone.  Or check out the Beer Advocate reviews for each:

• Bronze (85/100 BA rating)
• Bleddyn 1075 (86/100 rating)

And even more good news, the Cardiff'rent Strokes continued their assent in the worldwide league this week.  Here's the summary of my FPL status:

• Rank (Last Week):  1,475,331
• Rank (This Week):  1,444,677
• Total Players:           2,998,066

Unfortunately, there is no game next week and thus there will be no blog entry.  Cardiff City's next match is away against Chelsea on October 19th.

Thank you as always for reading Dragon and Bluebird!  You can find me on Twitter as well, @dragon_bluebird.

Fulham vs. Cardiff City: Just Beat It, Beat It, Beat It, Beat It

While doing some research on Fulham Football Club, Cardiff's opponent this past week, I came across the following New York Times headline:  "A Statue is Removed, and Fans are Thrilled".  

In the article I learned that Fulham has had an 8-foot tall, statue of Michael Jackson outside it's stadium since 2011.  And not some classy bronze piece mind you.  One of those creepy, waxen, lifelike replica statues.

Wait, what?!

Apparently the former owner of Fulham, Mohammed Al Fayed, was a friend of Jackson and he commissioned the statue as a tribute to the late singer.

Because I'm a billionaire, that's why  (Image Credit:  Getty Images)

According to the Times, "when asked in 2011 about whether a statue of Jackson made sense at the fabled stadium, [Al Fayed] said, 'If some stupid fans don’t understand or appreciate such a gift, they can go to hell.' For good measure, he invited these unbelievers to root for Chelsea."

I'm getting a mild impression that Premier League owners truly do not give a crap about the opinions of their fanbase.  Then again, I'm not a billionaire like Al Fayed.  Who is to say that I wouldn't erect a statue of Optimus Prime outside whatever sports franchise I purchased?  

This past Wednesday, new Fulham owner Shad Khan, wisely conceded to supporter wishes and had the statue taken down.  

This will look fabulous in the guest bedroom (Image Credit:  Andrew Testa/New York Times)

Why Khan even bothered to pay professionals to dethrone the king is a mystery to me.  I think it would have been a far better PR move to let a mob of Londoners knock down the atrocity; sledgehammers in one hand and pints of Boddingtons in the other.

This all took place three days before the Bluebirds showed up for the weekend.  So without MJ to look over them, how funky strong was Fulham's fight?

Not strong enough...

Fulham 1 - Cardiff City 2

• Caulker (CAR) 12'
• Ruiz (FUL) 45'
• Mutch (CAR) 92'

This was Peter Odemwingie's debut in the starting eleven.  He took the place of Craig Bellamy, who apparently is in the last days of his career.  I thought Odemwingie looked pretty good and there's no question he's more of an offensive threat than Bellamy has proven in the season to date.  Perhaps Bellamy will come through in a clutch substitution moment later this season.

As always, the Cardiff defense was exceptional.  Most weeks it is goalkeeper David Marshall or defensive midfielder Gary Medel who keep the ship afloat.  But this week, Ben Turner and Steven Caulker not only played excellent defense, they also took the fight to Fulham.

Turner and Caulker both had headers this weekend.  Turner's was ruled a no goal due to an unrelated Cardiff penalty.  But Caulker's header counted and it was awesome.

(Image Credit:  AFP/Getty Images)

Offense seemed to be the theme this week for the Bluebirds.  It was abundantly clear that they understand that to avoid relegation they will have to increase the firepower.  And firepower is exactly what they unleashed on hapless Fulham.

In their previous 5 games combined, Cardiff City made 41 attempts on goal.  This weekend they made 22 attempts.  There's no correlation of course between attempts and goals.  But you'll get exactly 0 goals out of 0 attempts.  And as an American trying to get into following the Premier League, the laser show was much appreciated.

Which of course brings us to the man of the match, Jordon Mutch.  Jordon had played a total of 5 minutes in the previous 5 games.  At Fulham this past weekend, Jordon played for 35 minutes.  In that brief time, Jordon truly made Mutch ado about something.

Jordon Mutch:  Smooth Criminal (Image Credit:  Bogdan Maran/AP)

That ladies and gentlemen is the triumphant face and clenched fist of a game winner.  Jordon scored with barely a minute left in the game.  Because of his goal, the Bluebirds were able to walk away with a win instead of yet another odious draw.

Following this result, the Bluebirds find themselves in 11th place with 2 wins, 2 draws, and 2 losses.  The table below captures the full Premier League standings as of 10/01/13.  The table columns are:  Club Name, Matches Played (Pld), and Ranking Points (Pts).

It's worth noting that Premier League titans Manchester United are BELOW freshmen Cardiff City in the standings.  If that's still the case next week, I can guarantee you someone is getting fired.

Fantasy news update, the Cardiff'rent Strokes are (barely) back up in the top 50% of the worldwide league.  Here's the summary of my FPL status:  

• Rank (Last Week):  1,786,389
• Rank (This Week):  1,475,331
• Total Players:          2,963,756

Cardiff City's next match is home against Newcastle United on October 5th.

Thank you as always for reading Dragon and Bluebird!  You can find me on Twitter as well, @dragon_bluebird.