Manchester City vs. Cardiff City: Keep Calm and Do the Ayatollah

I'm going to rip the bandage off quickly this week, because honestly we're all adults here.  Take a deep breath...

Manchester City 4 - Cardiff City 2

• Dzeko (MCI) 14'
• Noone (CAR) 29'
• Navas (MCI) 33'
• Toure (MCI) 76'
• Aguero (MCI) 79'
• Campbell (CAR) 90'

What, just another Cardiff City loss?  I thought you were going to tell me something awful.

I am.  With this loss, the Bluebirds are officially the worst club in the Premier League.

Oh.  That is pretty awful.  Ouch.

It's going to be ok.  Keep calm and do the Ayatollah.  More on this in a minute.

Coming into this match, the Sky Blues had a perfect 10 win record at home.  The Bluebirds, on the other hand, had a paltry 1 win, 3 draws, 6 losses away record.  This looked like a tall mountain to climb even before you considered Manchester City's tally of 59 goals as compared to Cardiff City's mere 15 goals.

But it is in exactly these kind of situations when the Bluebirds are at their best and even in this defeat there were positive signs to be seen.  

Cardiff City was on the defensive from the moment the game started, but held fast through repeated Manchester City attempts.  

Maybe it is because they are spoiled by success, but the Manchester City fans were completely silent after ten scoreless minutes.  It was at this point in the broadcast that you could hear the Bluebirds away fans doing the Ayatollah chant.

I just looked back through my previous blog posts and I can't believe I haven't yet mentioned Cardiff City's signature gesture/chant.  Let me get you up to speed, god only knows what awkward motions you've been doing in your living rooms while trying to support the Bluebirds!

Maybe you're reading this post in your cubicle, or in a Starbucks, or on the toilet.  Wherever you are, please pat your head with both hands at the same time. Repeat as many times as you like.  See picture below for details...

Bluebirds manager Ole Gunnar Solskjaer can do they Ayatollah and so can you!  (Image Credit:  The Guardian)

Congratulations, you're now doing the Ayatollah!  Ignore the strange looks from your co-workers, they're just jealous that they picked soulless Manchester United as their Premier League club.    

I like the Ayatollah gesture becasue it jives well with my "problems with authority" nature.  In modern Cardiff City usage, it's done mostly in celebration of goal scoring.  But its roots stem from Welsh punk rock band U Thant and their crossover fans doing the motion as a taunt to riot police.  You can read more about its history in this 2009 Cardiff City Mad article.

Lest Alice from Finance feels left out, you can encourage her to participate as follows:

1. Shout, "Hey Al-ice!  Do the Ayatollah!"
2. Repeat step 1 above until Alice does the Ayatollah.

Aside from celebrating goals, that's really the only other appropriate use of the Ayatollah.  Cardiff City fans will shout the chant at a player or the manager-du-jour (sorry OGS, I still am dealing with Malky's departure) until they cave and do the Ayatollah.

Ok, now that you're up to speed let's get back to this week's match.

The Bluebirds were pinned back in their own half until the inevitable first MCI goal came 14 minutes into the match...

Manchester City's Edin Dzeko threads a shot between the Cardiff City defense (Image Credit:  Reuters)

Usually when down 1-0, Cardiff City collapse in on themselves.  It's not that they're incapable of scoring goals, it's just that they seem to lose all confidence in themselves.  But as I mentioned earlier, the Bluebirds are a different team when facing daunting opposition.

In Cardiff City's first 15 matches, Craig Noone (dammit Apple stop autocorrecting me with "No one") played about 90 minutes in total.  This was due to a combination of injury, fitness, and questions about Premier League readiness.  But starting in week 16, Noone has played almost every minute of every match and has been a source of energy on the team.

And during this match he scored his first Premier League goal...

How do you like me now!?  (Image Credit:  WalesOnline)

The score was 1-1 and the cheers from the away fan section were deafening.

The joy only lasted about five minutes though, because Manchester City pulled ahead again with a goal from Jesus Navas.

Cardiff City did well to keep the score at just 2-1 through the 75th minute of the match.  But then Manchester City players Yaya Toure and Sergio Aguero added to their club's lead.

Bluebird Fraizer Campbell had a last minute goal to bring the score to 4-2, but it felt mostly like a concession on Manchester City's part.

Overall, Cardiff City did put up a good fight.  They were aggressive and didn't let Manchester City run away with the game as they did against Tottenham (6-0) or Norwich City (7-0).

This was an unfortunate, but not unexpected, result.  OGS, you sir have your work cut out for you.

Ole Gunnar Solskjaer after realizing what a hot mess he inherited (Image Credit:  WalesOnline)

With this loss, the Bluebirds are in 20th place with 4 wins, 6 draws, and 12 losses.  The table below captures the full Premier League standings as of 01/22/14.  The table columns are:  Current Position (POS), Last Position (LP), Club Name (CLUB), Matches Played (P), Wins (W), Draws (D), Losses (L), Goals Fielded (GF), Goals Allowed (GA), Goal Differential (GD), and Rankings Points (PTS).

In the post-match press conference, OGS said, "I knew what I was up against when I came to Cardiff."

"I did not come here and think everything was going to be all singing and dancing. It's going to be a tough league. But there's only five points up to number ten. It's still tight. We have to make sure we keep performing."

It's become seven points up to number ten since that press conference, but OGS's point is still valid.  It's easy to feel like crap when you see yourself in 20th place out of 20 clubs, but let's look at things from a different perspective:  

• 24 points:  Aston Villa
• 23 points:  Hull City and Norwich City
• 22 points:  West Bromwich Albion and Stoke City
• 21 points:  Swansea City
• 20 points:  Crystal Palace
• 19 points:  Fulham
• 18 points:  West Ham United, Sunderland, and Cardiff City

When laid out by points instead of rank, you can see how close the race for survival is in the Premier League.  With as little as a draw next week, the Bluebirds could lift themselves out of the relegation zone.  They will of course need some help (i.e. poor performances) from those around them, but the point is that this season is far from over and survival is still achievable.

Hopefully, my goal of making it to the top 1,000,000 in Fantasy Premier League is also still achievable.  

• Rank (Last Week):  1,324,294
• Rank (This Week):  1,337,819
• Total Players:  3,153,122

Despite playing a wildcard, the Cardiff'rent Strokes still managed to slip a bit further down in the rankings.  This was due largely to Southampton and Hull City blowing their matches against Sunderland and Norwich City respectively.  

Sigh.

There will be no post next week.  We'll be back on February 4th to cover the Bluebirds' next two matches:  January 28th away at Manchester United and February 1st at home against Norwich City.

Thank you as always for reading.  You can follow me on Twitter @dragon_bluebird.  And feel free to leave some comments on my posts via Blogger or Twitter.  Would love to hear your thoughts on the season so far and I'm always open to suggestions for features or topics you'd like to see on this blog.

Cardiff City vs. West Ham United: Stand Your Ground

Being the dedicated researcher that I am, I always keep my eyes open for relevant pop culture tidbits to round out my Premier League education.  I was fortunate enough to uncover a gem of a movie as part of my prep for this week's rematch between Cardiff City and West Ham United.  Green Street Hooligans.  

Pete Dunham:  "F$&k it, I will take you with me.  You might learn something..."

Matt Buckner:  "About soccer?"

Pete Dunham:  "No mate.  Not about soccer, AND FOR F$&K'S SAKE, STOP SAYING SOCCER!"

Pete (Charlie Hunnam of Sons of Anarchy) is an Englishman who has been forced to babysit his American brother-in-law by marriage Matt (Elijah Wood of Lord of the Rings) for a day.  Matt is a Journalism major and all-around wuss who has just been thrown out of Harvard because he volunteered to take the fall for his rich roommate's recently-discovered stash of cocaine.  It's never made clear why Matt agreed to do this, but I think you're supposed to just accept that it's something that Elijah Wood is likely to have done.

As any good babysitter would, Pete takes Matt to get wasted at a pub.  Delightfully, Pete tells his goon friends that Matt is tougher than he looks and was the inspiration for The Karate Kid.  

After the pub, Pete takes Matt to a West Ham United home match.  The club's performance is irrelevant to Pete and yet as the movie progresses we come to understand that the club as a concept is his entire reason for being.

Following the match, Pete and his friends have scheduled a fight with supporters of the opposing club.  Matt sanely declines an invitation to join them.  But despite his objections, Matt is dragged into the world of hooliganism.  His fighting style turns out to be less Karate Kid and more Bart Simpson in the classic episode "Lisa on Ice".

If you get hit, it's your own fault.

I'll come back to Green Street Hooligans in a few minutes, because limp-wristed (ankled?) assaults are as good a segue into this past week's match as any...

Cardiff City 0 - West Ham United 2

• Cole (WHU) 42'
• Noble (WHU) 90'

There are three reasons why this loss was a particularly bitter pill to swallow:

1. The Hammers are terrible.  They had lost their previous three matches by a combined 13-1.
2. The Bluebirds were not only favored to win this match, but they were also billed as almost three times more likely to win than to lose according to Premier League betting sites.
3. The Bluebirds are under new management and for the past few days an unusual sense of optimism and positivity had descended upon the fanbase.

It will of course take time for new manager Ole Gunnar Solskjaer (OGS) to put his stamp on Cardiff City, but just the same I had expected this match to be a blowout in our favor.

No such luck.

The visitors were unexpectedly aggressive coming out of the gate.  Hammer James Tomkins almost gave them a 1-0 lead just three minutes into the match.  All credit goes to David Marshall for another miraculous save.

Then about thirty minutes into the match, Cardiff City's Kim Bo-Kyung gave us a reason to believe...

 The yellow blob on the net is the WHU goalkeeper's water bottle.  The ball is the faint image on the goal line.  

I wish we had the wherewithal on Dragon and Bluebird to bring you a GIF of this shot so that you could truly appreciate the divine injustice.  But in essence what happened was Kim's shot hit the upper bar of the goal and came straight down onto the goal line.

A mild breeze would have put the Bluebirds up 1-0.

I think that this miss burned off any optimism I had built up coming into the match.  

Goal opportunities are few and far between for Cardiff City and I've reached the point where I truly assume that every time the opposing team touches the ball, Cardiff City are in imminent danger of losing.

Does that make me a fair-weather or battle-hardened Bluebird fan?

I take notes on my phone during matches and this is what I wrote following Kim's non-goal:

"36 minutes part of me thinks I should shut this off now.  Then again Cardiff have waited until last ten minutes to blow the game lately, so this is likely the good part."

Which naturally lead to West Ham United's Carlton Cole scoring a few moments later and putting the Hammers up 1-0.

 Hammer Carlton Cole didn't bother watching the result of his attempt (Image Credit:  Getty Images)

Cardiff City were the better club in the second half.  And believe it or not the statistics will tell you that the Bluebirds were actually the better club for the entire match.  The following are the match stats (Cardiff first, then West Ham United):

• Time of Possession:  63%-27%
• Shots:  19-10
• On Target:  7-3
• Corners:  8-7
• Fouls:  7-16
• Yellow Cards:  1-4
• Red Cards:  0-1

Alas, Cardiff City were not the better club in the only stat that ever matters...Goals Scored.

West Ham United's defense was able to maintain the lead, even when down a man.  Hammer Mark Noble's goal in the match's final minutes was insult piled upon injury.

In Green Street Hooligans, Matt embraces the hooligan ethos.  I won't spoil the movie for you, but there comes a moment when he is faced with a decision to leave England and let down his new comrades or to stay and risk his life in a fight against Millwall supporters.

Intending to convince him that it's ok to not get his face bashed in, Matt's sister tells him, "You know that back home no one is going to care about your rep here, right?"

Matt takes this to mean, "I think you're a wuss, go back home and embrace your mediocrity".  Instead of running away, he joins up with his friends and stands his ground.

I think there's a lesson to be learned from Green Street Hooligans, by Cardiff City and at least this supporter.  

No, I'm not advocating tossing firebombs into the pubs of opposing team's fans.

If you'll pardon the analogy, "home" for the Bluebirds recent history at least has been the Football League Championship (i.e. tier 2 of English football).  If Cardiff City don't man up and start playing up to their potential, they will be going home.  And no one there will care that they made a fair go of it in the Premier League.

It's time for Cardiff City to stand their ground and fight back.  And it's time for me to stop sulking about these losses.  Not even my dog wants to hear it anymore.

The Bluebirds are in 18th place with 4 wins, 6 draws, and 11 losses.  The table below captures the full Premier League standings as of 01/14/14.  The table columns are:  Current Position (POS), Last Position (LP), Club Name (CLUB), Matches Played (P), Wins (W), Draws (D), Losses (L), Goals Fielded (GF), Goals Allowed (GA), Goal Differential (GD), and Rankings Points (PTS).

You read that correctly.  Cardiff City are now in the relegation zone.  But the Bluebirds still have plenty of time to turn things around.  OGS will be a positive influence on their play style, new players have been added to the roster (more on this next week), and favorable matches are coming in February.

Oh and Jordon Mutch, whose jersey is hopefully making its way across the Atlantic as I write this post, will hopefully be back from injury soon.

I haven't dinged OGS for his managerial performance in part because it's his first week on the job and in part because I'm experiencing my own failures as a leader.  The Cardiff'rent Strokes took another dive this past week.

• Rank (Last Week):  1,271,016
• Rank (This Week):  1,324,294
• Total Players:  3,144,478

The time has come for me to utilize one of my two "wildcards" (i.e. unlimited team hiring/firing for one week).  So far I've booted out 11 members of my 15 man team.  Let's hope this shakeup leads to some success!

The Bluebirds' next match is on January 18th away at Manchester City.  Cardiff City began the season with a 0-2 loss to West Ham United and immediately followed with a shocking 3-2 win against Manchester City.  Having just lost to the Hammers again 2-0, will history repeat itself next week against the Citizens?

Tune in to Dragon and Bluebird next week to find out!

Thank you as always for reading.  You can follow me on Twitter @dragon_bluebird.  And feel free to leave some comments on my posts via Blogger.  Would love to hear your thoughts on the season so far and I'm always open to suggestions for any features or topics you'd like to see on this blog.  See you next week!

Arsenal vs. Cardiff City: Having and Wearing the Blues

"I fell in love with football as I was later to fall in love with women:  suddenly, inexplicably, uncritically, giving no thought to the pain or disruption it would bring with it."

The words above form the ominous opening of Nick Hornby's debut novel Fever Pitch.  

Most American readers of this blog will immediately associate Fever Pitch with the 2005 movie in which Jimmy Fallon portrays an obsessed Boston Red Sox fan.  But the original story was actually about Hornby's own life and his relationship with Arsenal.  Colin Firth was the lead in the 1997 movie version of the book.

Melancholin Firth

I was excited to read Fever Pitch because I thought it would provide some perspective on why the world, or at least one man, is so crazy about the Premier League.  Instead, I got an education in living with addiction and depression.

In the book, Hornby documents moments both significant and mundane in his life as they coincide with Arsenal matches.  I say "coincide", but at some point Hornby's life and Arsenal's matches more aptly "coalesce".

The book opens in 1968 with the divorce of Hornby's parents and his father's attempt to bond with his 11 year old introverted son at a soccer match (Arsenal vs. Stoke City).  The quote below sums up the book and its tone fairly well:

"I just didn't want to have fun at football.  I had fun everywhere else, and I was sick of it.  What I needed more than anything was a place where unfocused unhappiness could thrive, where I could be still and worry and mope; I had the blues, and when I watched my team I could unwrap them and let them breathe a little."

You could probably replace every instance of "Arsenal" with "alcohol" and have a book that any alcoholic would recognize as their own life story.  I give the book 3 stars out of 5.  Check it out if you're a diehard Arsenal fan or if you are trying to find a way to deal with your own substance abuse demons.

Oof, sorry.  I didn't mean for the book review to be such a downer.  It is however a fitting introduction to this blog post.  Not just because the Bluebirds faced the Gunners this week, but also because I'm starting to empathize with Hornby's fandom-sans-pleasure...

Cardiff City 0 - Arsenal 2

• Bendtner (ARS) 88'
• Walcott (ARS) 90'

I'm shaking my head as I type this portion of the post.  Last week, Cardiff City blew a 2-0 lead against Sunderland in the last ten minutes of the match.  This week, they blew a 0-0 draw in the last five minutes of the match.

Awful.

It all started so well, with the Bluebirds looking truly impressive on defense.  Goalkeeper David Marshall was excellent as always.

Somewhere around the 80th minute I genuinely started to believe that this match would end in a miraculous tie.  

And that's when injury-laden Arsenal decided to prove why they are the League leaders...

No goalkeepers were injured in the taking of this nasty shot (Image credit unlisted)

Gunners Nicklas Bendtner and Theo Walcott's goals came in such quick succession that I didn't have enough time to finish my new catchphrase, "Goddammit, Cardiff!"

I suppose if I was looking for a positive in this wasted opportunity it would be that at least the Bluebirds only lost by two goals this time around as opposed to three back in November.

At one point in Fever Pitch, Hornby explains, "For a match to be really, truly memorable, the kind of game that sends you home buzzing inside with the fulfillment of it all, you require as many of the following features as possible..."

1. Goals, as many as possible
2. Outrageously bad refereeing decisions preferably with Arsenal as the recipient
3. A noisy crowd
4. Rain
5. Opposition misses a penalty
6. Member of opposition receives a red card
7. Some kind of "disgraceful incident"   

By that definition, this particular match was less memorable and more vague sense of déjà vu.

I take my earlier statement back. The true positive was item 3 in the above list, though not in the way Hornby intended.  The Arsenal fans were completely silent for the majority of the match.  The Cardiff City fans, as always, were unquestionably the most vocal and supportive group I've ever heard.  Makes me proud to be a Bluebirds fan.

Yes, I consider myself a fan.  You know who else is a fan?  The lead singer of Dodgem-X, Jody Davies (@jodylaforge), that's who!

I don't know if Bargoed has a mayor, but if so please elect this man already!

Thanks for the game pics, bud.  Maybe you can explain to me why Hornby bothered including item 4 in his list?  As best I can tell, rain is the normal condition in Britain and sun is the anomaly.

That covers the main event, but let's take a peek at the sideshow...

Everything that has transpired has done so according to my design.  Your friends, up there on the sanctuary moon, are walking into a trap, as is your Rebel fleet.  (Image credit unlisted)

You'd be excused if you didn't recognize any of the three gentlemen in the forefront of this picture.  Starting from the right, that's Cardiff City Chairman Mehmet Dalman.  Next is Malky Mackay's replacement Ole Gunnar Solskjaer (OGS).  More on him in a moment.

Perhaps the least recognizable is the gentleman on the far left side of the picture.  That's actually Vincent Tan, cleverly disguised in a blue sweater.  This is even more baffling of a scene if you consider that Cardiff City once again wore their blue away jerseys during this week's match.  Miracles abound.

Like it or not, Malky Mackay is gone and his replacement has been hired.  OGS was very carefully targeted, not just because of his managerial talents during his time in Norway, but also because of the image he projects:

1. He is a former Manchester United player (Malky was a former member of lowly Norwich City)
2. He is a former striker (Malky was a defender)
3. He has an attacking coaching style, or at least that's what he advertises (Malky either through preference or necessity put forth a definitively defensive team)

It will be very exciting to see how this staff change plays out next week when OGS has his Premier League coaching debut against West Ham United.

OGS' newly-adopted Bluebirds are in 17th place with 4 wins, 6 draws, and 10 losses.  The table below captures the full Premier League standings as of 01/07/14.  The table columns are:  Current Position (POS), Last Position (LP), Club Name (CLUB), Matches Played (P), Wins (W), Draws (D), Losses (L), Goals Fielded (GF), Goals Allowed (GA), Goal Differential (GD), and Rankings Points (PTS).

Alas, Cardiff have dropped one slot lower.  But keep the faith, they're not yet in the relegation zone!

On to fantasy news.  The Cardiff'rent Strokes had a very slight dip this past week, but still are doing pretty well in the global league.

• Rank (Last Week):  1,249,029
• Rank (This Week):  1,271,016
• Total Players:  3,136,073

I do have the option at any point in the month of January to jettison my entire team and start over.  That option is called a "wildcard", which make me laugh because one of my most famous moments in It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia is when Charlie screams "Wildcard, bitches!" after having cut the brakelines on a van filled with gasoline as it speeds towards a building.

Well that's it for this week readers.  Cardiff City's next match is on January 11th.  They will host West Ham United in a rematch of the Bluebirds very first Premier League match.  Here's hoping for some sweet revenge against the truly woeful Hammers.

Thank you for reading and don't forget to follow me on Twitter @dragon_bluebird!  Please also follow @DodgemXofficial and be sure to check them out on iTunes.